Relationships, etc.

Do you feel lonely occasionally? Or do you constantly live in loneliness? A strange phenomenon nowadays is that as our planet grows ever more densely populated, there are more and more people feeling lonely or even isolated. Without being aware of it, many people lose an ever bigger and bigger chunk of their lives to televisions and computers. When one is intensely focused online, it may help him/her temporarily forget the loneliness deep down. However, at the end of the day, more and more people experience different versions of insomnia ---- some have trouble falling asleep, some cannot stay asleep for very long, and some have recurrent nightmares. Even if you do not have insomnia, have you ever fantasized about or hope to have someone to hold and hug under the cover?

It is definitely not our creator’s intention for us to live alone. According to the book of Genesis in the Bible, the Lord God said that it was not good for the man to be alone and He created a spouse for him. God intends us to live in community and to be each other’s keepers. All cultural and scientific studies reach the same conclusion that people need people to become healthier and more mature adults. Several research studies have found that babies cannot thrive without having been touched during early infanthood. They also conclude that touch is not something needed by babies alone, we adults can feel fulfilled through being touched by an intimate other. The feeling of joy cannot be maintained when one has no one to share in one’s achievement or success.

However living with another person intimately is not an easy task. This is due to the fact that each and every one of us is created uniquely while we all have the need to belong. It is an art and it takes great wisdom to achieve that balance of being separate and being together in order to fulfill the different and changing needs of two individuals. Men and women not only are different sexes, they are also quite different in their needs and styles of thinking, feeling, and communication; the differences are the result of both nature and nurture. In light of being complex and imperfect at birth, it is no wonder that people need to constantly work on their relationships just like we need to work on anything else worthwhile in life.

People sometimes challenge me about the need of marriage versus just living together without that piece of paper. My response is that marriage helps by making leaving not as easy when the going gets tougher. The sweet taste of acceptance of each other, and the fruits of thankfulness and forgiveness belong to those who have strong commitment to their wedding vow. Marriage helps shape a person towards maturity and having character. For those who marry people more similar to them, there will be less conflict to deal with. However, people tend to be attracted to opposites. In the latter case, there is more room for growth. I think the original intention of our creator was for people with differences to complement each other and learn to bear the nine fruit of the Spirit in their lives. Learning to fulfill the changing needs of one another and focusing on the strength of the other are truly lifelong tasks.

As a holder of a current license of Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in California, I facilitate the changes of individuals, couples and families by understanding selves, others, their relationships and therefore finding and keeping the love of their lives. I welcome friends of this web site to consult with me in the areas of friendships, various relationships, communication and mental health issues.