Relationships, etc.

Do you feel lonely occasionally? Or do you constantly live in loneliness? A strange phenomenon nowadays is that as our planet grows ever more densely populated, there are more and more people feeling lonely or even isolated. Without being aware of it, many people lose an ever bigger and bigger chunk of their lives to televisions and computers. When one is intensely focused online, it may help him/her temporarily forget the loneliness deep down. However, at the end of the day, more and more people experience different versions of insomnia ---- some have trouble falling asleep, some cannot stay asleep for very long, and some have recurrent nightmares. Even if you do not have insomnia, have you ever fantasized about or hope to have someone to hold and hug under the cover?

It is definitely not our creator’s intention for us to live alone. According to the book of Genesis in the Bible, the Lord God said that it was not good for the man to be alone and He created a spouse for him. God intends us to live in community and to be each other’s keepers. All cultural and scientific studies reach the same conclusion that people need people to become healthier and more mature adults. Several research studies have found that babies cannot thrive without having been touched during early infanthood. They also conclude that touch is not something needed by babies alone, we adults can feel fulfilled through being touched by an intimate other. The feeling of joy cannot be maintained when one has no one to share in one’s achievement or success.

However living with another person intimately is not an easy task. This is due to the fact that each and every one of us is created uniquely while we all have the need to belong. It is an art and it takes great wisdom to achieve that balance of being separate and being together in order to fulfill the different and changing needs of two individuals. Men and women not only are different sexes, they are also quite different in their needs and styles of thinking, feeling, and communication; the differences are the result of both nature and nurture. In light of being complex and imperfect at birth, it is no wonder that people need to constantly work on their relationships just like we need to work on anything else worthwhile in life.

People sometimes challenge me about the need of marriage versus just living together without that piece of paper. My response is that marriage helps by making leaving not as easy when the going gets tougher. The sweet taste of acceptance of each other, and the fruits of thankfulness and forgiveness belong to those who have strong commitment to their wedding vow. Marriage helps shape a person towards maturity and having character. For those who marry people more similar to them, there will be less conflict to deal with. However, people tend to be attracted to opposites. In the latter case, there is more room for growth. I think the original intention of our creator was for people with differences to complement each other and learn to bear the nine fruit of the Spirit in their lives. Learning to fulfill the changing needs of one another and focusing on the strength of the other are truly lifelong tasks.

As a holder of a current license of Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in California, I facilitate the changes of individuals, couples and families by understanding selves, others, their relationships and therefore finding and keeping the love of their lives. I welcome friends of this web site to consult with me in the areas of friendships, various relationships, communication and mental health issues.

Environmental Impact Article

What Can I Do?

We have all read about global warming, about environmental pollution, about recycling, about wasteful packaging, about diminishing natural resources. And we wonder; who is going to take care of this? Will the government fix it? The United Nations? My neighbors? The various environmental groups? Me personally? Who is going to fix it? The answer of course is ‘All of the above’. Starting with us as individuals, the responsibility is spread among us all. Concern for our Mother Earth is not something we can relegate to the government or some organization, any more than we can relegate concern for our own well-being to someone else. If we want to walk on our Mother Earth’s soil, breathe her air, drink her water, savor her beauty, then we all have responsibility for preserving her natural resources. It simply cannot be delegated to ‘the others’.

OK, if each of us has a responsibility to share this task, then where do we start? As a solitary individual, what can I do? How can I have a positive impact? How do I maximize that impact? After all, I’m just one person and I have many priorities that demand my attention. Maybe I don’t have the resources to travel to Washington DC to lobby my representatives. Maybe I don’t have the time to join an environmental activist group. Maybe, just maybe, I don’t have a million dollars to donate to the cause. So what can I do? The answer is: “plenty, I can do my part”. The truth is that environmental management is not just in the hands of governments or large institutions. When you bring a reusable bag to the grocery store, when you choose a compact fluorescent bulb over a traditional incandescent bulb, when you buy locally grown produce, you are making a statement and you are having an impact.

My Part

We as individuals have almost endless opportunities to contribute some effort towards preserving and improving the natural environment. From small efforts to mammoth projects, from quiet conservation to noisy activism, there is a place for each of us and a responsibility suited to each of us. While some of us want to hoist the banner and charge up the hill to vanquish to polluters and spoilers, most of us would prefer to quietly meet our responsibility as part of our daily routine. So let’s take a look at some of the things that we can incorporate into our daily routines without disrupting our lives. After all, we can’t all be conquering heroes who take on the world.

My Impact

We begin by examining how we can personally maximize our beneficial impact without undue disruption on our lives. We have learned that this is indeed possible. In fact, we have learned that we not only do not disrupt our lives, we actually improve our lives as we take on our environmental responsibilities. We usually end up with a healthier, livelier lifestyle plus immense satisfaction born of the knowledge that we are helping and doing our part.

So where do we start? There is activism, volunteerism, letter writing, donating, doing research, lobbying, cleaning the beaches, planting trees. The list goes on and on. But let’s take a look at a couple of reasonably easy ways to contribute. Let’s look at the subjects of recycling and home energy. Both of these can fit naturally into our daily routine and both of them have a positive impact on our lifestyle and the environment.

Recycling

Recycling is such an intuitively obvious thing to do that it’s amazing there is still controversy about its effectiveness. We know that if you cut down on garbage production by 25 %, it will save 1,000 pounds in carbon dioxide emissions annually. The United States uses millions of barrels of oil each year just to produce plastic. It amounts to 200 pounds per person – each year! More than half of this plastic is used for packaging, 60 pounds of which is thrown away immediately after the package is opened. And that’s just the beginning of our wasteful habits. The point is that our individual contribution is not trivial, it is significant.

And still there remains controversy about whether or not recycling is useful. In fact the Internet and the library are loaded with scholarly writings on the subject. Well-researched articles written by intelligent people make claims that directly contradict each other. One respected scientist claims that recycling is essential to saving our planet. Another equally respected expert claims that recycling is a waste of time. The average person can be excused for being confused on this subject.

So here is my suggestion: Do a couple of hours of research; not at the library or at the computer, but at your local landfill. That’s right, drive out to your local landfill where your community and the surrounding communities send their garbage trucks to dump their loads. It is good to occasionally remind ourselves that our garbage doesn’t cease to exist when the garbage truck hauls it away from our home. In fact it is taken to an out-of-sight and out-of-mind landfill where it is simply dumped onto the ground. Go to this landfill and position yourself where you can observe the entire scene. Watch the endless lines of garbage trucks that line up to dump their loads. Note the wildlife scavengers that breed and thrive in this mountain of trash. Breathe deeply and take in the odor of the festering and decomposing garbage. This is research that one can experience and believe. This is research that will change your attitude. No scholarly magazine articles will ever again convince you that none of this exists or that it doesn’t matter. Let the image of all this soak in to your memory so it can be easily remembered.

Now that you have completed your research you can ask yourself: Do I want to help make this mountain of trash larger? Or do I want to help make it smaller? It should be an easy choice.

Now you have done the hard part, and the choice to improve your recycling habits will be the easy part. It’s so easy to separate the paper, plastics and metals so they go to the recycler instead of to the landfill. Slightly more difficult is changing our habits so we use less of these products in the first place. Drinking filtered water from a reusable bottle instead of the popular bottled water is a good place to start. There is also the reusable cloth grocery bag, there are the flea markets and thrift stores and yard sales where we can not only recycle a product but we can avoid the elaborate plastic packaging. The spirit of recycling will lead you to your own inventive ways of putting products to their best use while also saving money. Your example to family and friends can result in additional recycling. Your reward will be more than just the satisfaction from doing the right thing and saving money. You can reflect on your experience at the landfill and know that Mother Earth thanks you also.

Home Energy

Home energy usage is perhaps the easiest way to help the environment, make ourselves more comfortable, and save money in the bargain. Our options range from investing a couple of dollars in weather stripping for our doors and windows, to investing thousands of dollars in energy-efficient doors, windows, and appliances.

Many of us can remember the old days when energy was plentiful and cheap. No one cared if their house was energy-efficient or not. You just turned up the thermostat and burned more fuel to keep the house as toasty warm as you wanted. In those days it was not cost-effective to seal our doorways or insulate our walls and ceilings. While nostalgia is pleasant, the fact is those days are gone and are not coming back. So improving our home’s energy efficiency is not just good for the environment, it’s good for our wallet also.

Once we begin thinking about energy usage, we ask ourselves questions such as: Do we really need so many lights on at night? It’s so easy to turn off the light when we leave a room. And what kind of light bulbs are we using? By replacing an incandescent light with a compact fluorescent bulb we can reduce carbon dioxide emissions by many pounds per year. Plus the compact fluorescent bulb will last up to ten times longer than an incandescent bulb. Wow, this is almost too easy. And let’s look at insulation. Do we start by ripping up the walls and upgrading the insulation? Well, that’s an OK idea but not necessarily the right place to start. A better start would be to check all around the perimeter of our doors and windows for leaking air. If cold air is leaking in and warm air is leaking out, there might be a simple solution. A strip of weather stripping, purchased for a few dollars at your local hardware store, can usually solve the problem. But if you are still using the old fashioned single pane windows, consider replacing them with modern dual pane window glass. Dual pane windows are far more energy efficient. You will be more comfortable and will save money. There is an easy way to test the insulating properties of your glass windows. On a cold day, place your hand on the window glass while inside the house. The glass should feel cool but not cold. If it feels cold the glass is probably single pane and not energy-efficient.

Another major impact can be achieved through having the right appliances. The appliance manufacturers make it easy for you by using Energy Star ratings. Old refrigerators, washing machines and dryers might be using twice as much energy as necessary. Most energy companies will actually pay you for replacing these old appliances. Look for the Energy Star symbol on any major appliance you are considering buying.

The next thing to check out is your home insulation. Look first at your ceiling insulation. It has the most potential impact, plus it is the easiest to upgrade or replace, compared to wall insulation.

Most of us want to do the right thing regarding protecting the environment. It’s good to start with small things and work our way up the ladder to bigger things as our motivation and knowledge increases. Enjoy yourself as you heighten your awareness and increase your positive impact.